i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There r osticjed everywhere
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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