I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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