He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
