It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
