Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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