Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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