I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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