There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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