hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
