you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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