i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
