i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
