i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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