yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
