I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
3 2 1 whiskey
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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