It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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