I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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