there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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