Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
