whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
