How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
false alarm. still invincible.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
