I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
