Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
