i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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