Got a toothbrush?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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