I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
