So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
