i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
