He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
