people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
