i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
