I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A+ Viking dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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