did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
