bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
