your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
