East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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