I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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