She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
