I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
