Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
