Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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