i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
