dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
