It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
