I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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