im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
