someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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