If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
