My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
