I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
