My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
